


Gray Skies

by flowerfan



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: AU after 10.09, Depression, First Kiss, Getting Together, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21748366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan
Summary: What if Danny misses work because some days, he just can’t manage to come in?  What if Danny didn’t move into Steve’s house just because he was worried about Steve, but also about himself?  Living with depression doesn't have to mean living without love.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 140
Kudos: 370





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins during/after 10.09, and veers off from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my awesome beta perry_avenue for her help in getting my banner to work!

“He's worried about me,” Steve says to Lou, watching Danny wave his beer bottle as he chats with Quinn and Junior’s parents. “He wants to keep an eye on me, I get it.”

“Nice when you got a lot of friends that actually give a damn about you, ain't it?” Lou responds, a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Yes, it is.”

They banter for another minute and then Adam interrupts, suggesting they throw a football around. Steve obliges, and finds himself having a better time than he expected.

At some point during their impromptu game, Steve notices Danny break off from the group and head into the house. He doesn’t think much of it until later, when he realizes Danny has been missing for more than an hour.

He thinks back to his conversation with Lou earlier that afternoon. Lou hadn’t seemed surprised that Steve knew it wasn’t mold driving Danny to crash at his place. But he couldn’t help but think that their conversation had cut off sooner than it should have.

He finds Lou by the buffet, grazing on the cheese tray. 

“Have you seen Danny?” Steve asks, pretending to examine a platter of shrimp.

“Think he went inside,” Lou replies, grabbing a beer and heading off towards the beach. 

Steve steps in front of him, holding his ground as Lou tries to nonchalantly slide away. “Hang on. I need to talk to you.”

Lou shrugs. “Go ahead.”

“Earlier, when we were talking about Danny staying here…” Steve trails off, and lets the silence sit for a minute, hoping Lou will just fill in the blanks. It’s a pretty good low-key interrogation technique. Lou, however, is not new to this game.

“Yeah?”

Steve shifts and looks around, making sure no one is close enough to hear their conversation. “Is there something you’re not telling me? About Danny?”

An uncomfortable look passes over Lou’s face, and that’s the answer right there.

“Lou, come on. If something’s wrong, I need to know.”

Lou rubs a broad hand over his face. “Listen, Steve, I don’t really know. It’s not for me to say.”

“What isn’t for you to say? Did something happen, while I was gone?”

Lou is clearly struggling with whether to come clean or not, but Steve doesn’t really care, because this is Danny they’re talking about.

“Lou, please.”

“He’s been… down.” Lou doesn’t elaborate, just gazes at Steve with intent.

“Down? Down? What does that mean?” 

“Just keep an eye on your boy, okay? You should have plenty of opportunity, now.”

“Now – you mean, since I’m back? Or with him in the house? Lou-”

They are, unsurprisingly, interrupted; Renee wants to know if it’s time for dessert, and if she can bring her special ice cream cake out of the freezer. If it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else. Besides, it’s clear that Lou isn’t the person he wants to talk to.

But when Steve goes looking for Danny, Tani tells him he left. Steve sends him a text. Eventually Danny writes back, saying that he is taking Grace and Charlie out for shave ice, and will be back later.

Steve doesn’t argue, even though he is pretty sure Rachel has put a moratorium on surprise shave ice excursions. Especially on Thanksgiving, when her parents are visiting, and they have already argued ad nauseam about how the kids would be with her on Thanksgiving Day, and with Danny the day afterwards. 

That night he winds up sitting on the beach with Adam and Lou, Danny finally joining them after almost all the other guests have left. The torches set up along the water give off a flickering orange glow, reflecting off Danny’s dark hair.

Steve stands up and grabs more beer, and when he comes back, he plops himself down next to Danny, shoulders close. “Everything okay?” he asks, low and quiet, when Adam’s attention is elsewhere.

Danny wrinkles his brow. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

About a million different reasons, Steve thinks, and those are only the ones I know about. “You can tell me if it’s not, you know that, right?”

A brief look of surprise flits across Danny’s face, so fast Steve isn’t sure it was even there. “’Course.”

Later they say goodnight to Junior, after he awkwardly explains that he’s going home with Tani, and Danny heads off to claim Junior’s bed. Steve putters around the house for a while, straightening the kitchen and putting the extra chairs back in the garage. He even outlasts Eddie, who is sacked out on his usual position on the couch.

Finally Steve gets ready for bed, putting on an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt from a fundraising walk Grace made him do years ago. He gets into bed, but he can tell he’s not falling asleep anytime soon.

He notices that he’s left his bedroom door slightly ajar. His subconscious apparently doesn’t think his hearing is what it used to be.

Steve doesn’t get up immediately, when he hears Danny go downstairs. He doesn’t want to startle him, or make him think that he’s been keeping tabs on him (although he has, of course he has, why hasn’t he done it before? Why didn’t he notice? Why did Lou have to clue him in?).

Danny isn’t on the couch. He’s sitting at the table on the lanai, head down on his crossed arms. It’s a strange place to sit. It’s dark, the upstairs porch hanging overhead. You can’t see the stars, or really feel the presence of the ocean. It’s not warm and cozy like his living room.

Steve ducks back into the house and grabs a throw blanket, then joins Danny on the bench. Danny glares at him a little when Steve puts the blanket over his shoulders and tucks it around them both, but he doesn’t say anything, just puts his head back down on his arms. His face is tilted towards Steve this time, though, and Steve feels his heart sink.

Danny has a terrible poker face, but right now, he’s not even playing. Something is definitely wrong, and Danny is hardly fighting it. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Steve says into the quiet. It’s not a lie, although tonight’s sleeplessness wasn’t just because of Doris.

“Me neither,” Danny responds.

“I, uh, haven’t slept well in a while.” This is also true.

“Me neither.”

Steve tries to put his own feelings into words, to describe that empty feeling that seems to accompany his every move these days. “Things have been rough. I don’t really feel like myself lately. Kind of feels like there’s not much point anymore.” This is hard to say. But, again, true. And it’s also an invitation. Come on, Danny, Steve thinks. I'm paying attention now. Let me in.

Steve can feel Danny hesitate. Then he raises his head off his hands, and gazes right at Steve. “Same.”

Steve slides his arm around Danny’s shoulders, under the blanket, and pulls him close against his body. “It’s good you came, Danno. I’m glad you’re here.”

Danny digs his face into Steve’s neck, and mumbles something that turns into a choked off sob. 

“It’s gonna be okay, it is,” Steve says, rubbing Danny’s back as he shakes. He doesn’t know if this part is true, but he knows he’ll do anything to help get Danny through this. Steve’s been too distracted by his own grief to see what was right in front of him, but now he knows, and he can try to find a way to fix it. 

Having Danny under his roof feels like the right start, a brave step that Danny took all by himself. "We're gonna be okay," Steve says again, holding Danny tighter. "We'll look out for each other. We'll figure it out. I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

Steve and Danny establish a routine, more or less. Neither of them are sleeping very well, but they manage to get enough shut-eye to continue to go about their business. On nights when they are both up, Steve usually meets Danny downstairs, often finding him on the couch with Eddie, television on low. 

Sometimes Steve wakes first. He always sticks his head into the guest bedroom before he goes downstairs, in case Danny is sitting there awake, needing company. They haven’t argued any further about whether it’s Danny’s bedroom; Junior seems to realize that something is going on, and continues to sleep at Tani’s place. Steve is silently grateful.

One night when Steve actually sleeps through, he wakes up later than usual, and has to rush to get ready for work. But when he calls upstairs to remind Danny to get a move on, there’s no answer.

He takes the stairs two at a time, thinking about how bad the traffic is going to be if they delay any longer, and finds Danny still in bed. He’s rolled up tightly in his blankets, the top of his head barely visible.

“Danny? We gotta go.”

There’s no answer from the lump on the bed. Steve crosses his arms, mildly annoyed. “Time to wake up. We’re gonna be late.”

Still not getting any response, Steve grabs a sweatshirt that Danny left lying on the floor and lobs it at his partner’s head. “Come on, get a move on.”

Danny doesn’t move, just mutters “fuck off” into the pillow.

Steve feels a twinge of alarm. Danny isn’t a morning person, sure, but this is something different. He sits down on the bed, his side against Danny’s back, and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey,” he says, aiming for a gentler approach. “Are you okay? Do you need to come in late?”

Danny lifts his face out of the blankets, and squints up at Steve. “I can’t go to work today. Deal with it.” He flops back down. “Now leave me alone.”

Danny’s bitter tone takes him by surprise, and Steve almost snips back at him. But then he takes a few deep breaths, and jogs downstairs to get some supplies.

A few minutes later he’s back upstairs in Danny’s room, Eddie trotting along behind him. Steve waves his hand at the dog and he obediently clambers up onto the bed, getting comfortable along Danny’s flank as Steve arranges a few bottles of water and protein bars on the little night table.

“What the hell,” Danny mumbles at the dog, but his hand emerges from the blankets and his fingers dig into Eddie’s scruff. “Thought this guy wasn’t allowed on the bed.”

“Every rule has exceptions,” Steve says, pleased that Danny seems to like the idea of some canine company. “I left you some water – try to drink it. Dehydration won’t help.” He fidgets, wishing he knew what else to say. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I’m good.”

This is clearly untrue, but there’s no need to point it out. “Want me to stay, or, um, swing by at lunch?”

“Just go to work, Steve.”

Steve leans down and gives Eddie a good cuddle, then drops a quick kiss on the top of Danny’s head.

“Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”

“Fuck off,” Danny says again, but without any heat. Steve pats him in the vicinity of his feet, and heads out, sending a meaningful look Eddie’s way. _Take care of him._ The dog seems to understand, nuzzling closer to Danny as Steve leaves the room.

At the palace, the team hardly reacts when Steve informs them that Danny’s taking the day off. It makes Steve wonder how many other times Danny’s days off have been spent curled up in bed, just waiting for the day to pass. 

He closes himself in his office around lunchtime, and phones Danny. There’s no answer, so he calls again. The third time, Danny picks up.

“What the hell, Steve,” Danny mumbles.

“Just checking in,” Steve says pointlessly. “How’s Eddie?”

Danny grunts. “Made me let him out. Twice.”

Steve smiles to himself. Good dog.

“Where’s he now?”

“Right here, hogging the blankets.”

Steve hums. “You could take him out on the beach. Throw some sticks around.”

“Don’t push your luck.”

Steve proceeds to fill Danny in on their current case, complete with a detailed description of how the perp Junior took down kept singing the same verse of an unrecognizable and deeply irritating song. “It’s been two hours,” Steve says, “and he’s still singing.”

“How do you know?”

Steve grins. “I told Junior he had to stay and listen, in case any of it turns out to be a confession.”

“You’re evil, you know that?”

“I do,” Steve says. 

They talk for a while more – mostly it’s Steve talking, with Danny occasionally making some noise or other to let Steve know he’s still there – but Steve eventually has to hang up. He would rather keep talking to Danny, but he needs to relieve Junior at some point. And the sooner they wind up this case, the sooner he can head home. 

When he finally calls it quits, it’s not early at all. The perp, not surprisingly, didn’t cooperate, and Steve couldn’t hand the case off to his team because they got busy with another one. It’s almost eight o’clock by the time he gets back to the house.

It’s dark inside when he arrives, and his heart sinks. He had let himself imagine that Danny perked up after their phone call, popped out of bed and had a grand old time entertaining himself for the rest of the day. 

Instead, Danny is still in bed, still wrapped up in his blankets. 

Eddie raises his head and whines when Steve looks into the room. 

“Hey there, boy,” Steve says, and Eddie lets out a soft bark as he jumps off the bed and goes downstairs. 

Steve turns on a reading light, and contemplates Danny, who is slowly blinking his eyes open.

“Hungry?” Steve asks, glancing at the unopened protein bars. At least the water bottles are empty.

Danny shakes his head, and closes his eyes again. Steve kind of feels like crying, but he isn’t going to do that. Instead he goes with what otherwise would seem like a truly ridiculous urge, and climbs into bed with Danny, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Danny doesn’t move for a long moment, but then shuffles closer, pressing his head against Steve’s chest. 

“You can go eat,” Danny says after a while, surprising Steve. “If you’re hungry, you can go eat. You don’t have to do this.”

“I’m good,” Steve says, without hesitation. “Sleep now, eat later. Midnight pancakes?”

Danny snorts in what might almost be described as amusement. “Okay. Midnight pancakes.”

Steve closes his eyes and tries to silence his racing thoughts. “’Night, Danno,” he says, as if going to sleep with an armful of Danny is a completely normal event.

Danny doesn’t reply, already fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

“This is the most boring stake-out we’ve ever been on,” Danny grumbles, pacing around the empty office space. “Thank god I never had to work in a place like this.”

“What, you don’t think you’d like sitting in a cubicle all day?” Steve is staring out the window at the roof of the building across the street. 

“No,” Danny says, poking at one of the slightly crooked cubicles, “I definitely would not. Although it’s hard to imagine anything being more boring than sitting here waiting for somebody to show up and get into those vans.”

The vans at issue are parked on the roof of the building they are watching, and although they have good intel to suggest that some very high value targets will be coming for them tonight, so far, there’s not much going on.

“Remember our stake-out in the cat lady’s apartment?” Steve asks.

“Of course I do,” Danny says. “And you probably remember how many months, days and hours it’s been since then, you show-off.”

“Since you mention it, yeah, I do.”

Danny waves his hands at Steve and raises his eyebrows. “Are you gonna tell me?”

Steve presses his lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “Nope.”

Danny huffs and goes back to pacing. He apparently gets bored of that too, and circles back to Steve. “Want me to take a turn?”

“No, I’m in the zone.”

“The zone?”

“Yeah.” 

“How can you be in the zone and still be talking to me?”

“You think I can’t watch the roof and talk to you at the same time? We’ve been having this same conversation for years. I could have this conversation in my sleep.”

“Buddy, wow. Glad to know I warrant so much of your attention.”

Steve looks away from the window for a second and reaches over to swat Danny on the shoulder. “Don’t be an ass. That’s not what I meant.”

Danny flashes a smile at Steve and settles on a nearby swivel chair, swirling back and forth gently even as he sets his gaze on the roof across the way. It’s quiet, the practiced calm of waiting that neither of them particularly like, but are perfectly capable of pulling off when necessary.

“Tell me again why we’re stuck doing this, and not the kids?” Danny says after a while.

“It’s Junior’s dad’s birthday.”

“What about Tani?”

“It’s Junior’s dad’s birthday,” Steve repeats.

Danny sighs. “I still think we should have made them do it. They could have bonded over being pissed at us for a lame assignment. It’s a time-honored trope.”

“But then they’d be pissed at us.”

“They’d get over it,” Danny says. “Do you think – no, wait a sec, look-”

They both still, as the roof is suddenly lit up. But no one is there.

“The lights must be on a timer.”

“Yeah.”

Steve scrubs his face. “This is the most boring stake-out we’ve ever been on.”

“See – that’s what I said.” Danny stands up and stretches. “I’m gonna fall asleep if something doesn’t happen soon.”

Steve glances at Danny. Despite his bitching, he doesn’t actually look tired. Not nearly as tired as Steve feels.

“You’ve been sleeping better, lately,” Steve volunteers, going back to looking out the window.

“Yeah, a little,” Danny replies. He flops down into a chair next to Steve. “You haven’t, though. You’ve been up before me every morning this week.”

Steve grunts an acknowledgement. He’s taken to going out for an early run, if Danny’s still sleeping when Steve has already been up for hours and can’t take the stillness any more.

“You can wake me, you know,” Danny says conversationally. “If you want some company.”

Steve has thought about it, thought about that day when Danny couldn’t get out of bed, and he slid into the blankets with him, wrapped his arms around Danny and held him close. Thought about how Danny had slept for a while, then turned and put his own arms around Steve, snuggling in against his shoulder, and dropping back into sleep. 

Steve would really like to do it again. He’s not sure how to ask for it, though. He wonders if Danny is offering.

“Why would I wake you up to watch bad television with me?”

Danny snorts. “No one said I had to watch.”

Steve thinks about whether he could ask Danny to sit with him, but isn’t sure it makes any sense. He doesn’t want his bad nights to ruin Danny’s chance to get some rest. It brings back a memory, another Doris-related stab of grief from the seemingly endless supply that pop into his head these days.

“When Mary and I were kids, my mom used to say that there was only one good mood between us.”

Danny turns towards him, and laughs softly. “Yeah, me and Bridget were like that. If one of us wasn’t being a whiny pain in the ass, the other one was. Drove my mom crazy.” Danny taps his fingers on his knee, and tilts his head at Steve. “It’s not like that with us, though.”

Steve looks quizzically at him. “You mean you’re always the whiny ass?”

Danny glares at him. “No, you jerk. It’s not one or the other.”

“You’re not making any sense.” Steve has definitely lost the thread, and he doesn’t think it’s because he’s still keeping an eye on the roof across the street.

“It’s not a zero sum game. There’s no rule saying only one of us can win.” 

“Okay…”

“We can, you know, both bring each other up a little. Even if I feel like crap, it’s better because-” Danny halts, and Steve turns to him. The open look on Danny’s face makes Steve’s heart flutter in his chest, and he almost stumbles over his next words.

“Because what?”

Danny shrugs. “Because we’re together.”

Steve can’t help smiling. “Danno, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Danny flushes, whether with embarrassment or something else Steve isn’t sure. “If that’s true, I better work on my game.” 

Not if I get there first, Steve thinks. There’s something going on here, more than just two buddies helping each other out. More than just the sadness they’re both fighting. Danny’s trying to say something, and Steve needs to make sure he understands. If Steve can get it right, maybe someday he’ll end up sleeping in Danny’s arms again after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve jerks awake, hands scrabbling at his sheets. He’s in bed, at home, he can smell the plumeria outside his window. But he can also still feel the water in his lungs. 

“Hey, you okay?”

Danny’s voice cuts through the panic and Steve clings to it. “Danny?”

“Right here, bud.” 

Steve feels a weight shift the bed next to him, and he forces his eyes open. Danny’s in his t-shirt and sleep pants, the hair on top of his head sticking out every which way. He drinks in the sight, and tries to force himself to breathe. He’s not in the ocean, he’s in bed, there’s plenty of air, there for the taking.

“Bad dream?” Danny moves, propping himself up against the headboard and swinging his bare feet up onto the quilt. 

Steve nods. 

“It’s all right,” Danny says, putting a warm hand on Steve’s back. “You’re okay.” Danny starts rubbing gentle circles on Steve’s clammy skin, and Steve follows the rhythm with his breathing.

“Want to talk about it?” Danny asks. “Sometimes it helps.”

Steve doesn’t, really. He firmly believes that bad dreams are best kept quiet, that voicing them is more trouble than they’re worth. But for some reason, this one comes pouring out.

“I’m drowning,” he blurts. 

Danny’s hand pauses for a moment, squeezing the top of Steve’s shoulder, and then resumes. “That’s how you know it’s a dream, then. Makes no sense that you would drown.”

“Anyone can drown. SEALs can drown.”

“’Course,” Danny replies calmly. “But for you to dream it – must be bad.”

“It is.” Steve forces himself to untangle his hands from the bedsheets. “At first I’m just out for a swim, totally fine, in the zone. Then I start feeling like something is wrong, but I can’t tell what it is. Something’s off, in the water. It gets colder. There’s something I should be seeing, noticing, but I can’t figure it out.”

“Spooky,” Danny says.

“Yeah.” Steve lets out a long breath, and leans back against the headboard. Danny’s hand slides as he moves, rubbing the tight muscles at the join of his neck to his shoulder. Steve’s stomach aches from clenching. How long does it last, this dream? How long is he trapped there, every time?

“After a while, I start to have trouble moving. My limbs aren’t working. I start to sink. The water comes into my lungs, and it burns… I know I’m not getting enough air, and I know I’m going to die. And it just keeps hurting more and more, until I wake up.”

“That’s awful,” Danny says sympathetically. “Really awful.” Danny shuffles closer, slinging his arm around Steve’s shoulders and pulling him against him. He smells of his cologne from the day before, and sleepy sweat. Steve breathes him in.

“You’ve had this dream before?” Danny asks.

“Yeah.” How Danny knew, Steve hasn’t a clue. Maybe it’s the resignation in his voice. This dream always does that to him, makes him feel like it’s coming for him eventually. “Get it more frequently sometimes.”

“Like now.”

“Yeah.”

Danny leans the side of his head against Steve’s, and starts talking about getting a new cell phone. It’s a complete non sequitur, except Steve recognizes instantly what Danny is doing – getting Steve to focus on a problem, maybe even an argument. A conversation that has nothing whatsoever to do with bad dreams, or swimming, or water in any form.

“I keep telling you that iPhones are garbage,” Steve finally chimes in, trying not to think about the echo of the burning in his lungs.

“What are you talking about?” Danny says companionably, barely raising his voice. “You have an iPhone.”

“I need it for work.”

“We have the same job, if you need it for work, don’t I need it for work?”

“It’s better if we have different phones.”

“So now phone diversity is a goal? What’s next, malasada civil rights?”

“We shouldn’t play favorites.”

“Everyone has an iPhone. Grace has an iPhone. If I had one too, it’d be easier for her to message me.”

“Like that would make a difference,” Steve says. There’s a pause before Danny responds, and Steve wants to slap himself in the face. He got too caught up in the distraction, and let their banter take an unintended tangent. “I mean, she messages you all the time anyway.”

Danny leans his head back, pulling just a fraction away from Steve. “Nah, not so much anymore. Busy college kid.”

Steve is actually well aware that Danny and Grace haven’t been talking that much lately. He knows this because he talked to Grace about it just a few days ago. And then he did something that he hasn’t quite found a way to tell Danny about yet. He figured it would be a surprise, a good one, to be mentioned when the time was right.

If he doesn’t spit it out now, though, it’s going to look more like an ambush.

“Speaking of Grace…”

Danny looks at him, eyes narrowed. “Yes?”

“I, um, did something.”

“To Grace?”

“No, you idiot… I got us tickets to go visit her. At school. For freshman family weekend.”

Danny just stares at him. Family weekend is less than a week away, and Danny hadn’t ever really considered going – spending two days traveling for a 48 hour event really didn’t seem feasible. But Danny has been so down, and he’s been missing Grace like crazy. When Steve had started to wonder whether Danny’s mood was getting in the way of his relationship with Grace, and then stealthily confirmed with Grace that they hadn’t talked much lately, Steve couldn’t resist.

“Look, Danny, it’s okay. I paid for the tickets, I got us the time off. I know it’s kind of a dick move, making a plan without asking you but… I know how much you miss her.”

Danny continues to stare at him. It’s not quite a glare, though, more like he’s trying to figure something out.

“Come on, it’s gonna be fun. The team will cover for us. You’re always so happy to see Grace. I just – I just wanted to see you happy.”

Steve tries to keep going with his explanation, but that’s really it, right there. That’s the whole thing. He wants to see how Danny’s face lights up when he sees his little girl. Wants to give him a little reprieve from the sadness he’s constantly fighting.

Danny’s gaze has softened into something Steve doesn’t fully recognize. There’s a familiar fondness, but his eyes are determined, like he’s reached a decision.

Steve doesn’t have long to ponder this new development, however, because Danny leans forward, as if in slow motion, eyebrows raising just barely in question.

And Danny kisses him.


	5. Chapter 5

The morning after they kiss, Steve can’t stop smiling. And it seems like Danny can’t either.

The moment Danny’s lips touched Steve’s, it was as if something blossomed inside of him. He wasn’t even surprised by it, not really, it felt so right to have Danny there against him, brushing softly at his mouth, then pulling back with a look so full of hope it made Steve’s heart soar.

Steve didn’t waste any time before pressing back to kiss Danny again, not wanting him to wonder for a moment about whether Steve was on the same page. Steve’s eagerness made Danny laugh under his breath, and then they were both chuckling and grinning, arms tangled up and hands clutching at shoulders and t-shirts.

They didn’t go very far, trading daring but fairly chaste kisses for what seemed like hours, then falling asleep wrapped around each other. But it seemed to Steve like a great chasm had been crossed, a weighty question answered, and he can’t remember the last time he felt so good.

And now it’s the next day, and Steve still feels the high from the night before. He thinks Danny does too, the way he boosts himself up on the kitchen island and bats his lashes at Steve until Steve swings by and leans in to kiss him, the scent of coffee and toothpaste on Danny’s breath far more enticing than it has any right to be.

Steve knows this won’t fix anything, he knows that being in love doesn’t cure depression. He knows the high is sure to be followed by a low. 

Still, when a few days later Danny snaps at him that he’ll be in late, telling Steve to leave him alone and go do his job, Steve can’t help but be disappointed. He sits on the side of the bed for a few minutes, thoughts going every which way, until Danny rolls over and presses his face into Steve’s thigh.

“Sorry, babe,” Danny mutters. “I’m an ass.” 

Steve feels a surge of guilt. He hadn’t meant to make Danny feel worse. If he did, he’s the ass in this particular scenario.

“No, no. It’s okay, Danno,” Steve says, stroking Danny’s messy hair and leaning his head down to press his forehead against Danny’s. “We’re good.”

“I’m sorry,” Danny whispers again, and Steve slides down to wrap his arms around his shoulders. 

“It’s really okay, I get it,” Steve says, holding him tight and pressing a kiss to Danny’s scratchy cheek. “You haven’t had your coffee.” As if that was the problem. 

“I’m not gonna blow off the whole day, I promise. I just need a little more time.”

“Take the time you need.”

Danny mock glares at him. “If you’d let me go back to sleep, I would.”

Steve snorts. “Fine. Want me to come back and pick you up for lunch?”

“Sure, whatever.” Danny flops over and wraps himself in the blanket, putting an end to the conversation for better or worse. 

As he drives to work, Steve can’t stop thinking about whether he’s going in the right direction. Should he be staying home with Danny instead? Would he be taking better care of his partner if he stayed in bed with him until Danny was able to get up? It’s certainly not what Danny said he wanted. And Danny’s not new to this rodeo. 

Steve keeps on driving towards the palace, choosing to take Danny at his word. This time, at least, he’ll trust that Danny knows what he needs. Steve knows his ever-present paternalistic streak can be overwhelming, and he doesn’t want to start off their new relationship stepping over Danny’s wishes. This doesn’t mean that he won’t check in a few too many times, but he’ll do it on his phone, not from the doorway of the bedroom.

When he gets to the office he’s greeted by the lilting sound of Kono’s voice. She’s in town for a Kalakaua cousin’s wedding, someone she used to babysit and who has now grown into a tall, lithe, younger version of Kono. Kono had emailed him weeks ago about stopping by during her visit, but Steve had totally forgotten about it. 

Kono doesn’t mind, smiling brightly and launching herself at Steve for a tight hug. She’s been chatting with Tani and Junior, who are already entranced by her, and reluctantly move away as Kono follows Steve into his office.

“Where’s Danny?” Kono asks, after glancing back at the door, clearly having expected him to come in with Steve.

“Gonna be late today,” Steve says, striving for a nonchalant tone. “Probably in by lunchtime.” Kono accepts it, and steps closer, a hand on Steve’s arm, to offer her condolences on Doris.

Steve’s voice catches in his throat as he thanks her, and he wonders how long it will be before he can have a normal conversation about his mother. It floors him, over and over, that she’s gone, how it happened. How Steve failed to prevent her death. He still wakes up sometimes and has to shake himself, not wanting to believe it.

Steve spaces out for a bit, as Kono talks about her current project and how hard it has been to get funding lately, and then tunes back in when Kono mentions Danny’s name.

“I brought Danny some of that maple syrup he likes,” Kono says. “For his famous pancakes, assuming he still eats them - maybe I’ll drop it by his house.”

Steve panics for a moment, and then clears his throat. “Yeah, about that.”

“What, did he finally have to cut pancakes out of his diet? I know how proud Danny is of his trim figure, but brah, pancakes are special. I can’t believe he’d deprive Charlie of the Williams tradition.”

“No, Danny still loves pancakes, that hasn’t changed. But he, um, he’s not at his house.”

“He’s not?” Kono narrows her eyebrows at him. “Where is he, then?”

“He’s staying with me.”

A number of complicated expressions pass over Kono’s face, and she stands up, looking through the glass walls of Steve’s office at Tani and Junior by the computer table and Lou in his office. (Adam, apparently keeping better track of Kono’s plans than Steve, has made himself scarce today.) “Wanna go get some coffee?”

Steve breathes out a relieved sigh. Kono always knows when he needs to talk. “Thought you’d never ask.”

They grab their drinks at a kiosk in the shopping center, then head to Ala Moana park. Kono kicks off her sandals when they get to the beach and keeps going towards the water, so Steve follows suit. It isn’t until they’ve got their toes in the ocean that their conversation returns to Danny.

Although, as it turns out, it’s also really about Steve.

“Danny told me he was keeping a close eye on you, since you’ve been back,” Kono says. “I hadn’t realized that he was still living at your place.” She says this with a gentle smile, her face full of concern.

Steve shifts uncomfortably. “The situation with my mom was pretty intense, and I was pretty shaken by it. Danny’s been great.” He glances at Kono, but she has returned her gaze to the cloudy horizon. “I think he was worried about me.”

“I know he was,” she says softly. “He cares so much about you.” She steps a little deeper into the water, holding her sundress up with her free hand. “Danny and I have been through some similar things. We used to talk about it, sometimes, before I left. When we were working together every day.”

Kono seems to be having a hard time speaking her mind, which is unusual. Steve is suddenly paying close attention to her body language, noticing that her shoulders are curving in just a bit, her posture a little less tall. She shoots Steve a questioning glance, and Steve realizes that she’s trying to figure out how much Steve knows; she doesn’t want to violate Danny’s privacy. But he’s not really sure what he’s at liberty to say.

Kono bites her lip, and then seems to decide how to approach the topic. “I was pretty depressed, after I blew my knee out and had to leave the circuit. Surfing had been my life, you know?”

“I know,” Steve says.

“I was so down, it was hard to shake it, even when I found my new career with you and Five-0. It would hit me again, every once in a while. Danny always seemed to recognize it.”

“I get that. Same with me. Danny, noticing when I was down, I mean.”

“That’s why he moved in, right?”

“Yeah, although… it’s not the only reason he stayed, I don’t think.”

Kono appraises him, and the years seem to suddenly show in her eyes. “Danny’s having a rough time too these days?”

Steve nods, sharply. “Yeah.”

“You’re looking out for each other.”

“Yeah.”

Kono studies him for another moment, and nods. “That’s good.” She stares at Steve until he starts to fidget, and then she smiles. “Always wondered when you two would get it together.”

Steve can feel a blush on his cheeks, and he wonders how Kono knows. It’s only been a few days since they kissed. Although he’s certain there’s been something there for a lot longer.

He doesn’t want to deny it, and he doesn’t think it would do any good anyway. “I’m just lucky he puts up with me.”

Kono’s got a glint in her eye. “True, very true.” She turns to walk back up the beach, and Steve hurries to catch up. When they get back to the road, shoes on and coffee cups dropped in the trash barrel, Kono smiles up at him, all teasing gone. “I’m so proud of you guys. It’s been a long time coming.”

Steve must let some of his worry show on his face, because she embraces him and squeezes tight. “I know it might seem tough, and I’m probably the last person who should be giving out relationship advice. But take the happiness when you can, all right? And hold each other even when you can’t. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

Steve lets himself rest against Kono’s slender frame, just for a few seconds, and absorbs her words along with her warmth. Caring so much about Danny is definitely hard, especially on a day like today, with Danny home instead of at his side. But when he thinks about how happy Danny was a few days ago, how happy they both were…. Moments like that, he thinks, are definitely worth going through some tough times. 

“Thanks, Kono,” he whispers, and she presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“Don’t mention it.” She pulls back and flashes him a sunny smile. “Now, why don’t you give Danny a call, and see if he minds if an old friend crashes your lunch?”


	6. Chapter 6

The ivy-clad grounds of Grace’s small New England college are as different from the tropical shores of Hawaii as anything could be. Steve stands back and crosses his arms, content, as Danny and Grace walk ahead of him on the path through the quad, Danny waving his arms and beaming as he talks with his beloved daughter.

It’s exactly how Steve imagined.

Of course, in his vision they weren’t quite as bundled up, and he couldn’t see Danny’s breath, but Steve doesn’t mind the cold. He even bought Danny a new coat, a short, black, slim-fitting down jacket, to replace that strange olive green thing Danny wore when he came to him in D.C.

Danny refused to wear the matching hat, though, and Steve wonders if he’s regretting it, the tips of Danny’s ears going pink in the chilly air. Grace didn’t have any such qualms, and is sporting the pom-pom hat Steve brought her. “My friends are gonna love this,” she had exclaimed, pulling on the turquoise beanie adorned with yellow pineapples and the word “Aloha” along the bottom. She twirled around to model it, and for a minute, she was eight years old again, showing off a new party dress.

Steve had made sure to capture the moment, quickly getting pictures of Danny and his grown-up daughter, arms around each other and broad smiles on their faces.

Now they’re on their way to lunch in Grace’s dining hall, after a morning spent at a welcome presentation and a talk about “making the most” out of the college experience. After lunch, there are a handful of classes they can visit, and seminars about a variety of topics, including a panel on public service that has caught Steve’s interest.

The dining hall is packed with people, and Grace leads them through the tables until she gets to the one she is looking for. A tall girl with long blond hair pops up and squeals at Grace, while two people that must be her parents look on indulgently. Another girl yells from a few tables away and soon joins in the hug, several more family members tagging along behind her.

After they all find seats, Grace introduces her roommates. The tall blond girl is Hannah, from Los Angeles. Maritza, who has her mother, grandmother, and two younger brothers in attendance, is from Texas. “Sam and Alaina are at the Athletics lunch,” Grace explains to Steve, as she passes around a pile of napkins, “but they’re going to try to catch up with us later. Alaina’s mom grew up on Kauai, she really wants to meet you.”

With that the topic of conversation turns to Hawaii, and what Steve and Danny do for a living. Steve tries to let Danny carry the conversation, but Danny keeps getting distracted by his daughter, who is proudly pointing out other people in the room that she wants them to meet.

Before they’ve even finished their lunch (fairly mediocre soup and sandwiches, but that’s not really the point), Grace is up and dragging Danny over to meet one of her professors. Steve picks at his turkey and cheese and watches them, Danny’s blond head and Grace’s dark one, leaning together as Grace whispers to her dad.

“Grace is a lovely girl,” Maritza’s grandmother says. “We met her when we visited in the fall.”

Steve turns to the woman sitting on his left. Her dark hair swings around her face in a tidy bob, and she looks way too young to be someone’s grandmother. “Thanks. I’m Steve, by the way. Isabella, right?”

She smiles. “Yes, that’s me.”

“You’re lucky that you got to visit already. This is my first time.”

She nods. “Must have been hard for you both to come all the way from Hawaii for all those college tours. Maritza managed to see about half of the ones she applied to. For the rest, we figured we’d worry about it if she got in.”

Steve takes a moment to wonder what Grace has told people about him and Danny. He’s not even sure what she knows about their change in status, so to speak. Steve didn’t come along on any college tours, although he and Danny texted so often when Danny was doing them he almost feels like he was there. Steve decides to change the subject before he puts his foot in his mouth.

“Where in Texas do you live, Isabella? I have a former teammate who did his training at the Naval base in Fort Worth.” 

They stretch out the day as long as they can, wanting to spend as much time as they have with Grace, but by evening Danny and Steve are both lagging.

Grace shakes her head at them as the waiter brings their check. They’ve spent the past two hours in a cozy restaurant that is apparently the place all the kids go when parents are the ones footing the bill, and it lived up to its reputation. Danny is still trying to figure out how to make the potato ravioli that came with his short ribs, and Steve was very satisfied with the scallop dish he ordered. He even split a dessert with Danny, a dark chocolate whiskey cake that was served warm with espresso ice cream, and snuck bites of Grace’s creamy cheesecake with a gingersnap crust.

“You guys are done for tonight, you know,” Grace says as they stand up and start pulling on their coats. “All that’s left is the freshman musical showcase, and no one expects their parents to come to that – at least not unless they’re performing in it.”

“You could perform in it,” Danny says, unwilling to admit that there is anything his Grace can’t do.

“I could, but I’m not – I’m going back to my room to finish my chem homework, and then I’m going to sleep.”

“All right, all right,” Steve says, putting an arm around Grace’s shoulders and hugging her close. “We get it. We’ll let you get back to your life.”

“See you tomorrow for breakfast?” Danny says. “At that diner, right?”

“Right.” They exchange more hugs, and then Grace is skipping off down the street, turning to wave just before she turns the corner and disappears out of sight.

Back at their B&B, they chat for a few minutes with the people who are socializing in the living room on the first floor, Steve poking at the logs in the fireplace and generally scoping out the place while Danny questions another parent about his student’s experience with a seminar Grace is interested in, and then they climb the stairs to their third floor room.

They had arrived late the night before, and hadn’t had much of a chance to appreciate the charmingly decorated room. More than the antique furnishings, however, Steve is excited to get back into the king-sized bed, with its ample down duvet and piles and piles of fluffy pillows. 

Soon enough, he tells himself.

“You wanna have the first shower?” Steve approaches Danny, who hung his coat in the wardrobe and then stood staring into it for long enough that Steve wonders if he fell asleep on his feet.

“What? Oh, yeah, thanks.” Danny smiles at him, tired but obviously still happy, and grabs his kit bag out of his duffel. “I won’t be long.”

Steve takes his turn in the bathroom after Danny, and when he gets out, clad only in his boxers, he dives under the covers as quickly as he can.

“Oh my god, you’re insane,” Danny says, opening his arms and pulling him close. “Come here, come here. Your feet are like ice. You’re ridiculous.”

Steve grins and burrows into Danny, who is giving off heat like a stove, as always. “I can’t help it.”

“You just took a hot shower, didn’t you? How can your toes still be this cold? What’s wrong with you?” But Danny’s actions show he doesn’t really mind, as he gathers Steve close to him and wraps the heavy comforter around them both.

“I can put some socks on, if you want-”

“Socks, maybe some pajamas? You are completely lacking in sense.” Danny’s got their legs twined together, Steve’s wet head tucked up against his t-shirt clad chest. He doesn’t actually seem that interested in Steve getting out of bed to put more clothes on. 

Steve kisses his collarbone. “You’ll keep me warm.”

“I’ll try.” Danny shuffles them some more, getting comfortable, and Steve can feel himself relax into his hold.

“Grace seems really happy,” Steve comments. It’s true, it couldn’t be more obvious that Grace is thriving here, despite being so far away from home.

“Yeah, she’s doing great.” Steve can hear the pride and relief in Danny’s words. “Thanks for bringing me here, Steve. I mean it.”

Steve presses another kiss to Danny’s chest, then lays his head back down. “It’s my pleasure, Danno. I had a good day today too.”

“Yeah, we did, didn’t we?” Danny opens his mouth to say something else, but his words are lost in a jaw cracking yawn.

“Get some sleep,” Steve says. “We’ll see Grace again in the morning.”

“Hmm, okay.” 

Steve tugs the blanket a little higher around Danny’s shoulders, making sure he’s covered up, and lets himself drift off to the sound of Danny’s gentle snores.

Unfortunately, despite the absolutely perfect feeling of being warmly wrapped in Danny’s arms, Steve can’t stay asleep. He chalks it up to the time difference, and after an hour of trying not to move and wake Danny up, he reluctantly climbs out of bed.

The floor is freezing, where it’s not covered with a rug, and Steve hastily pulls on his jeans and sweater, and takes his coat with him just in case. He’s got it in his head that he’s going to go for a walk, but when he gets downstairs and pokes his head outside, he changes his mind.

The porch is lit with twinkling white fairy lights, and the outdoor heaters are still on. There are three small tables with chairs tucked in around them, and a porch swing adorned with festive cushions. Jackpot, Steve thinks, and claims the swing, moving it gently back and forth.

The clearing in front of the B&B is framed with pine trees. Steve imagines they would look lovely dusted with snow, although he’s just as glad it’s not quite that cold yet. He lets his thoughts wander, thinking over how well the trip has gone so far.

It’s only been a week since Danny kissed him, but Steve considers it one of the best weeks he’s ever had. Danny had bounced back quickly from his slump a few days ago. Although work got in the way of their lunch with Kono, they met her at a dive bar on the north shore that night, and took up a corner booth all evening long, trading stories and enjoying each other’s company. 

Steve had thought about inviting the rest of the team, but after a little while he was glad he hadn’t. There was something about being together, just the three of them, that seemed right. They had experienced so much together that the more recent members of the team had only heard about. Steve feels a little selfish, keeping Kono for themselves, but he figures it won’t do too much harm. And when he sees Danny leaning into Kono’s shoulder, talking in low tones about how he’s been feeling, he figures Danny is probably glad they kept the group small as well.

Steve is startled out of his reverie by a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?”

It’s really a rhetorical question, and Danny doesn’t wait for an answer, shoving at Steve’s leg until he slides over on the swing and makes room for Danny to sit down. Danny gives the swing an experimental few rocks, and then sighs, leaning his head back. Steve wraps his arm around Danny and they swing together, Steve pushing at the floor with one foot to keep them moving.

“You doing okay, babe?”

Steve squints at Danny. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He is, he just can’t sleep. Nothing new.

“You really hit it off with Maritza’s grandmother.”

Steve can’t tell if Danny is trying to make a joke or not. “Yeah, she seems like a real nice lady. Close to Maritza, too, and her younger brothers. She watches them afterschool. Apparently likes to play baseball with them.”

Steve had been impressed by Isabella, and Maritza’s mom, too. Single parenting didn’t seem to be too much for either of them to handle. Maritza’s mom worked full time, but was still very involved in the lives of all three of her children, driving carpools, helping with the school play, and coaching little league on weekends.

Isabella wasn’t the only grandparent at family weekend, either. Danny’s mom and dad had even planned on going, until Steve had gotten tickets for him and Danny and they decided to let them have all of Grace’s attention. The only reason Rachel isn’t present is because she caught the flu from Charlie. Grace is surrounded on all sides by people who love her – moms and dads and grandparents who want to be there for all the important events in her life.

Quite a contrast with Doris.

Steve feels that ache in his chest again, and he looks up to find Danny studying him closely. 

“You have a terrible poker face, you know,” Danny says.

“No, buddy, that’s you.”

Danny huffs. “It was a lot of family stuff today. Thanks for putting up with it.”

Steve frowns. “I love family stuff – especially your family stuff. I didn’t have to put up with anything. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to have any kids of my own. Might as well live vicariously.”

The words come out as lightly as he can manage, but Danny squeezes closer to him and lays his head on his shoulder. “My kids love you, you know that.”

Steve shrugs, ignoring the hot feeling behind his eyes. 

“You’ve known Charlie for as long as I have,” Danny goes on. “You’re as much his dad as I am.”

This clearly isn’t true, and Steve says so. “Besides, Charlie already has two dads, and a mom as well.”

“There’s no limit on how many people can love a kid. Charlie’s luckier than most, that’s all.”

Steve scrubs at his face and takes a deep breath. “Today was a little hard,” he finally admits, voice quiet. “I think about it, sometimes.”

“Having kids?”

Steve nods. “Yeah. Not now, not really. I’m too old. But… what might have been, if I had found someone sooner.” He thinks of little kids who might have looked like Catherine, dark haired and bright eyed.

“Not that I would have been a very good dad.”

Danny shoves him and stands up, knocking the swing back. “What the hell are you talking about? You’d be a great dad.”

Steve stands up too, one hand on the swing to stop it from knocking into the side of the building. “Keep your voice down, it’s the middle of the night.”

“I’ll be as loud as I need to,” Danny exclaims, although he does quiet down somewhat. “Fuck, Steve, how you can think that about yourself? You look out for Grace and Charlie as if they were your own, they know they can trust you, rely on you. They love you.”

“I didn’t exactly have the best role models, growing up.”

“Well it didn’t matter, not for this.” Danny paces across the porch, silently fuming.

It warms Steve, even though his sadness. “I appreciate your show of support, Danny, but it’s water under the bridge.”

Danny stomps a little more, and then sits down on the swing. Steve joins him, bumping him with his shoulder. Danny bumps him back, then goes still.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Danny says quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“You said it’s water under the bridge – it doesn’t have to be. If you really wanted kids – more kids than Grace and Charlie,” Danny gives Steve a meaningful look, daring him to argue about his status with the Williams children, “you could still have kids.”

“That’s not how biology works, Danny,” Steve says, waggling his eyebrows at him.

“I didn’t mean-” Danny huffs. “You’re such a child. But be that as it may, you could still have kids, like with a surrogate. Or adopt, like Mary did. Even foster. Think of the difference you made in Nahele’s life.”

“No, honestly, Danny, that’s not what I want.” At his age, with his health problems, Steve really can’t see himself having a baby, or even an older child. It wouldn’t be fair. “I just think about what it might have been like, that’s all.” 

Danny considers this. “Promise to tell me if you change your mind?”

Steve quirks his eyebrow at him. “Why?”

“I like kids,” Danny says. “Babies. Toddlers. Hormonal teenagers, take your pick.” Danny shrugs. “I come from a family of four siblings, you’ll recall.”

Steve feels his heart swell. “Are you saying you want to make a baby with me?” He’s being silly, but it’s more to cover up his ridiculous feelings than anything else. Is Danny seriously proposing that they have kids, or foster, or something – anything – together?

Danny fixes him with a determined stare, the fairy lights reflecting in his blue eyes. “I’m saying that you should let me know if you change your mind.”

Steve wraps his arm around Danny and pulls him close. “I won’t, Danno. But – thank you.”

They cuddle on the swing for a few more minutes, then go back upstairs, strip down, and get into bed. Steve really doesn’t want to have kids of his own, not any more. But he realizes he misspoke before, when he said he didn’t have a good role model for being a dad. Because one of the best dads he’s ever met is next to him right now, curled up heavy and warm against his chest.

“Stop worrying, Steven,” Danny says, reaching up to run his hand over Steve’s head, and cup his cheek to bring his face to his for a kiss. “We’ve got plans with our girl tomorrow.”

 _Our girl._ Steve can’t remember if Danny has called Grace that before. Maybe he has, and Steve is just now noticing?

On that note… “I think Grace’s roommates think that we’re a couple,” Steve whispers. Isabella certainly did. 

“We are a couple,” Danny says, squirming closer and kissing him again.

“But that just happened. Does Grace even know?”

Danny pulls back and looks at Steve. “Babe, she knew it long before we did. Now, do you want to keep talking about Grace, or do you wanna-” Danny throws a leg over Steve’s thigh, and it’s clear which option Danny wants Steve to choose.

Steve still has more questions. He’s not done thinking about Danny’s children, and what the change in his relationship with Danny might mean to his relationship with Danny’s kids (does it mean he’s more of a dad? A step-dad? Is being “Uncle Steve” enough, or better?). But Steve is only human. Danny is hard and hot against him, and Steve isn’t about to look this gift horse in the mouth (at least not until he’s done checking out some more demanding parts of Danny’s anatomy).

“Fool around now, talk more tomorrow,” he decides, tugging Danny’s boxers down over his ass. From the indecent noise Danny makes when Steve takes him in hand, Steve’s certain he made the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’ve been self-medicating with sex and beer, and it’s not enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my new banner (at the beginning of Chapter 1) - and thanks to my beta perry_avenue for helping me post it!

It’s another morning when Steve can’t sleep. He keeps replaying his last moments with Doris over and over in his head, imagining what he could have done differently. He’s come up with about a dozen better plans, plans that would have worked, would have kept her safe. 

Usually going for a swim calms his mind, but although he gives it his best shot, it doesn’t do the trick today. Steve drips dry for a few minutes on the lanai, drags an old towel over his shoulders, then heads off down the street. 

Steve starts with an easy jog and then speeds up his pace, challenging himself. It feels good once he gets a solid rhythm going, feet pounding on the pavement. It’s barely dawn, and the cool air brushes pleasantly against his damp skin.

When he feels the twinge of protesting muscles, he stumbles to a halt at the side of the road, gives himself a thorough stretch, one hand on the rough bark of a palm tree for support, and then continues. He doesn’t want to stop yet. When he’s in the zone his nightmares can’t touch him.

He’s somewhere in Waimanalo when he sees flashing lights, police cars pulled up in front of a tired bungalow, a familiar SUV parked on the street. 

“Steve?” 

Lou is hustling towards him. Steve’s hunched over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath, but he straightens as Lou approaches.

“Steve – are you okay?”

Steve is confused at the question – sure, he’s breathing hard, but nothing unusual. “Yeah, I’m good. How are you?”

“Steve, holy shit.” Lou’s expression is oddly worried, and he puts a hand on Steve’s arm and guides him away from the crime scene. “Have you talked to Danny?”

Steve pats his hip for his phone, but it isn’t there. “Why, is everything all right?”

Lou’s brow furrows. “Danny’s fine, that’s not-” Lou thrusts his own phone at Steve. “Call him, please.”

Steve takes Lou’s phone, but his hands are shaking and he can’t seem to figure it out. Lou takes it back, swipes quickly, and turns his face away from Steve as he talks.

“I’ve got him, Danny. He’s right here.” Lou shoots Steve a pointed look, then motions at the curb. Steve sits down, surprised at how his legs are trembling. “No, he’s fine,” Lou drawls. “All in one piece. Here, check for yourself.”

Lou leans over and holds the phone up to Steve’s ear. He can hear Danny saying his name, followed by what seems to be a long rant consisting of “fuck, are you okay, what the hell” over and over.

“Say something,” Lou hisses, and Steve finally takes the phone and interrupts Danny’s rant.

“Danny, hey.”

“Steve. Thank god. Stay right there, I’ll be there in ten minutes, fifteen, tops – Steve, you’re all right, really, you’d tell me if you weren’t, right?”

Steve shakes his head. “Yeah, buddy. I’m fine. I just went for a run.”

There’s a pause.

“You… you went for a run?”

Steve is getting a little tired of everyone reacting this way. “Yeah, I went for a run, I do it all the time. What’s the matter?” 

There’s another pause, then Danny speaks, his voice low. “Give the phone back to Lou.”

“Danny-”

“Steve. I’m begging you. Give the phone back to Lou.”

Steve complies, and Lou talks with Danny for a minute before hanging up. Tani comes over and sits down on the ground next to Steve, stretching her legs out in front of her. She looks as worried as Lou, although she does a better job covering it up.

“Could someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Steve asks. His calf cramps, and he leans over to rub it. 

“No one knew where you were, big guy,” Lou says.

“I went for a-”

“Steve, it’s been hours,” Tani says gently, looking at him with concern. “You didn’t show up for work. You didn’t answer our texts. We thought something happened to you.”

Steve scans the area. The crime scene has already been processed, the forensic guys are packing up. The sun is high in the sky. “What, um, what time is it?”

“Two in the afternoon.”

He left the house before six this morning. That was eight hours ago. Suddenly Steve’s chest feels tight. “Where’s Danny?”

“He and Junior have been driving around looking for you,” Lou says. “Roughing up some CI’s, I’m guessing. It ain’t been a good day for your boy.”

Shame washes over him. This can’t be right.

“Come on, Steve, let me drive you home, you can get cleaned up.” Tani stands and reaches her hand out to him. “I’ll let Danny know to meet us there.”

The drive back to his house passes in a daze. Steve tries to think back, to track his actions over the course of the day, but all he gets after his swim is the memory of running, running down suburban streets, running along the beach, running by the highway. He doesn’t remember being tired, or counting the miles, or making note of his progress. Of thinking, even once, about how long he was gone, or about going to work. All he had been concerned with, apparently, is chasing his nightmares out of his head.

Steve’s fairly shaken by the time they get back to his house. It just doesn’t make any sense. How had he not noticed how much time had gone by? 

He lets Tani inside and stands in the living room, trying to get his bearings.

“How about a shower?”

Steve blinks at Tani, and nods. Sure, maybe that will help. 

He notices that Tani leaves the bathroom door open, just a bit. He’s pretty sure she sits outside the bathroom for the length of his shower, moving out of his bedroom only when he comes out to get dressed.

Steve’s just pulling a t-shirt over his head when the front door bangs open.

“Steve?” Danny bellows.

“He’s upstairs,” Steve hears Tani say. Danny’s response is muted. Tani must have taken Danny into the kitchen. Steve doesn’t much like them talking about him behind his back, but under the circumstances, he thinks he needs all the help he can get.

Because he knows he fucked up today. He let his partner think the worst, that he was hurt or kidnapped or god knows what. He failed Danny, and for no reason at all. 

Danny’s got to be furious at him, and Steve deserves it.

Steve comes down the stairs and looks around the empty space. He’s trembling. “Danny?”

Danny comes out of the kitchen and makes a beeline for him. At least he didn’t leave, Steve thinks. He braces, figuring that if Danny needs to take a swing at him, so be it.

Danny crashes into him but there’s no violence in it. Instead, Danny wraps his arms around Steve and squeezes, tight, so tight, and Steve sags in his arms.

“You… Steve… I thought…” Danny slides a hand over Steve’s face, back through his hair. “Fucking god, Steve, I thought you were taken, or dead, I thought Wo Fat’s long lost nephew got to you, or Chinese spies, or some other crazy asshole, I thought…”

“I’m sorry, Danny, I’m sorry,” Steve chokes out. “I didn’t mean...”

“I was so fucking scared.” Danny clings to him, and Steve clings back. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve feels like he’s going to disintegrate. All that’s left between him and completely falling apart is Danny, who’s now got him tight around the waist and is leading him over to the sofa.

“Are you really okay?” Danny loosens his hold as they fall into a tangle on the sofa. His blue eyes search Steve’s face. “Babe. Can you tell me what happened?”

Steve folds over, hands pressing into his thighs, and shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

Danny bounces up and paces for a minute, but then catches Steve’s eye and comes back to him, sitting on the coffee table, knees pressed against Steve’s.

“This isn’t okay,” Danny says, voice oddly calm. “This isn’t okay.”

“I know, Danny, I won’t let it happen again, I-“

“No, Steve, don’t you see? That doesn’t matter, it’s not okay, not under any definition of okay.”

Steve’s not sure what Danny is getting at, but there’s a panicky feeling in his chest that is threatening to burst right through him. 

“Danny, you’re just upset, I’m fine, today was weird but I’m fine, really-”

“You’re not fine, that’s the problem.”

Steve feels shame creep up his skin.

“Running a marathon wearing my gardening sneakers and no socks or shirt is not fine. Losing time for hours is not fine. Forgetting to go to work, or let me know where you are-” Danny’s voice cracks. “That is _not_ fine.”

Steve doesn’t blame Danny. Steve’s always been too much for anyone to want to deal with. And now he’s even more broken then before.

“Steve,” Danny speaks softly, a hand on Steve’s knee, but Steve can’t look at him. “I can’t take care of you, not well enough. I can barely take care of myself most days.”

Steve knows what’s coming, and he shifts, trying to move away from Danny.

“We’ve been self-medicating with sex and beer, and it’s not enough.”

_Not enough._ Steve’s never been enough. He had thought, with Danny, that it might be different. But that’s too much to put on one person’s shoulders, especially someone with problems of their own.

“I know, Danny, I understand. You don’t have to do it anymore. I get it.”

“What?”

“You can go. I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Danny shoves himself closer into Steve’s space and grabs him by both shoulders. “Steve, what in the hell are you talking about?”

Steve can’t meet Danny’s eyes, not right now. He can’t bear the disappointment. “It’s all right, just go back to work, back to your life.”

Danny huffs and pulls Steve against his chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m not going anywhere. You’re in no shape to be alone. Besides, I’ve been looking for you all day, why would I leave now?”

Steve presses his face into Danny’s neck. His eyes are wet, spilling over, and he can’t get enough air.

“It’s okay, babe. I’ve got you. Breathe. We’re gonna get through this. We’ll figure it out,” Danny soothes him, rubbing his back over and over.

“You don’t want to break up?” Steve asks, throat tight and stinging.

“No, of course I don’t,” Danny says. “Why would you think that?”

“You said-” Steve sniffs. “You said this isn’t working.”

Danny pulls back. There’s a blotch on his dress shirt from Steve’s tears. “I meant you need to see a doctor. A professional, someone to actually help with this. I do too. That’s all. Not that _we_ weren’t working. Just our, um, amateur coping strategies.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Danny sighs and reaches around on the coffee table for the tissue box, handing it to Steve. “I know you don’t want to see anyone, and god knows I don’t, but I think you should really consider it.”

“No-”

Danny glares at him.

“No, I mean I don’t, but I will. I will, Danny.”

“Okay.” Danny stands up, the creaking in his knee almost audible, and holds out his hand to Steve. “Come here, I need a hug.”

Steve practically leaps into Danny’s arms and holds him tight, sniffing and laughing against his hair. “I don’t fucking know what I’d do without you, Danno.”

“Same, babe. Same.”


	8. Epilogue

_Six months later_

Steve’s in the kitchen, having a philosophical debate with himself over whether trying to find pineapple flavored coffee to tease Danny with is worth the effort, when the man himself comes into the room.

Danny’s looking kind of rough, hair tousled and unshaven. He clearly hasn’t showered yet. Steve’s heart squeezes a little, and he moves towards Danny, arms opening to catch him in a hug.

“Nuh-uh, none of that,” Danny says, stepping back and shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

Steve stops in his tracks. He’s surprised, to say the least. Since when has Danny not wanted a morning hug?

“I didn’t say you weren’t fine,” he responds carefully, searching Danny’s face for a clue to his mood.

“But you assumed.” 

Danny’s clearly annoyed, even upset, and Steve can’t fathom why. “No, I just wanted to-”

“Don’t lie. You took one look at me,” Danny waves his hand up and down his rather unkempt self, “and you decided I needed help. Next thing you know you’ll be offering to put on some music and bring me peppermint tea, or build a pillow fort, or give me a back rub.”

“And those are bad things? I was under the impression that you liked it when I did nice things for you.” Now Steve is getting annoyed too. “What’s got into you this morning?”

“Nothing,” Danny says, a little too loudly. “Absolutely nothing. It is an absolutely normal morning.”

“Then why are you acting like this?” Steve can feel his voice rising to meet Danny’s.

“Like what? I haven’t done anything unusual. It’s you who’s being weird – why aren’t you out on a run, huh? Or swimming around the island, or practicing for a decathlon?”

“Oh, that’s mature. And I already went for a run, as you would know if you were having a reasonable conversation with me instead of-”

“So it’s my fault for not being reasonable? Forgive me, I should have gotten up earlier, been prepared to quiz you on your morning activities. Sorry I’m not a mind reader.” Danny scrubs a hand over his face. “Shouldn’t have bothered to get up at all, if I can’t do it right.”

Steve doesn’t understand how this has gotten so out of hand. “Danny, please, tell me what’s going on?”

“For god’s sake, Steve, can’t a person just want to have a lazy morning for once, without his partner jumping all over him to fix everything?”

Steve bites back his immediate reaction, which is to argue some more, and point out that maybe a person who wanted a lazy morning shouldn’t have started it by picking a fight as expertly as Danny just did. But maybe something he’s learned in therapy is actually sticking, because he takes a deep breath instead.

Danny’s hands are tightening into fists as he watches Steve, and he can tell Danny is about to blow. But then, remarkably, Danny takes a deep breath too, and removes himself from the kitchen.

Steve follows him – slowly, respectfully, not like he’s running after Danny to keep arguing, definitely not – and finds Danny staring out at the lanai.

“It’s raining pretty hard,” Steve says. He’s not changing the subject so much as giving them both a chance to regroup, and Danny knows it, squeezing his eyes together hard and taking another deep breath before answering.

“Yeah. Good for the plants, though.”

“Yeah. It’s been dry.”

“Yeah.”

Steve lets another long moment pass, watching Danny’s shoulders relax and his fists unclench. “If I come over there and give you a hug, ‘cause I like you a lot and for no other reason, are you gonna snap at me again?” Steve asks calmly.

“Asshole,” Danny mutters. “Come here.”

Steve wraps his arms around Danny from behind, and Danny leans back against him. They both stare out at the downpour for a few minutes. Steve loves the way he can feel Danny breathing, how he can match his inhales and exhales if he tries.

He presses his nose into Danny’s shoulder, rubs his cheek against the soft t-shirt Danny wears to sleep in, and Danny tilts his head to rest it on Steve’s.

Sometimes Steve wants to worm his way right under Danny’s skin, line them up together and fuse them tight with no space between them. Maybe then he’d understand better what makes Danny tick, when to push and when to give him space. Thing is, Steve hardly ever wants space from Danny anymore, and he thinks Danny feels the same. They’re getting better at this, lifting each other up without either of them faltering as a result, but it takes practice.

“You went for a run in the rain?” Danny asks, as a burst of lightening races across the sky. His voice holds nothing of the accusatory tone from just a few minutes ago, he’s just asking.

“It wasn’t raining as hard before,” Steve says. 

“You’re kind of crazy.”

“I know.”

They fall silent again, but it’s more comfortable now. Steve nuzzles against the side of Danny’s head, where his hair is buzzed short, and Danny hums contentedly.

“I don’t feel depressed,” Danny says. 

Steve gets that he’s circling back to their earlier conversation, although he’s not sure yet where it’s going. “Okay,” Steve says carefully. 

“No, I mean it.” Danny turns in Steve’s arms, gives him a quick peck in the vicinity of his chin, and then steps away, walking over to the couch and flopping down. “I’m okay. I’m so much better than I was, you see that, right?”

“I do,” Steve says, and he means it. They’ve been going to therapy, and are each on slightly different meds, and he thinks it has helped both of them. Sure, there are good days and bad days, and Steve’s nightmares have proved difficult to shake, but overall they’re in a much better place than they were six months ago when Danny finally pushed them to get professional help.

“But I woke up this morning,” Danny continues, “and I just felt, I don’t know, bleh.”

“Bleh?” Steve asks, letting a hint of humor color his tone, and Danny smirks.

“Yeah. Bleh.”

“Okay.”

“Do you get it, though? Not hopeless, not as if I couldn’t bother to get up. Not like there wasn’t any reason I could think of to even move. Just bleh.”

Steve comes over to the couch and sits down next to Danny, twisting so he can see his face. “That’s good, right?”

Danny snorts. “Yeah, I thought so. But then I came downstairs and you looked at me with that concerned face and…”

“You felt like I wasn’t seeing your success.”

Danny sighs and gazes away. “I don’t like the idea that I’m always going to be sick, to you. Someone who needs help. I don’t like feeling weak.”

Steve slides a little closer to Danny and bumps their knees together. “One, you’re not, and I could tell you about a hundred reasons why, although you know them already. And two, I could say the same thing about me.”

Danny looks at him now, his nose wrinkling. “I know. But why do I still worry about it?”

Steve shrugs. “Guess we’re just going to have to be patient.”

Danny laughs half-heartedly and pokes a finger into Steve’s chest. “Ha. Good one. You, patient? We’re doomed.”

“As long as we’re doomed together, we can handle it.” Steve leans his shoulder against Danny and Danny leans back, his hand reaching for Steve’s.

“We’ve been doomed together before.”

“Multiple times,” Steve agrees.

“Remember when we dropped that nuke into the ocean from Kamekona’s helicopter?”

“Not sure I could forget that, Danny.” Steve would love to forget it, it was terrifying, but there’s no chance. “We still made it back in time for Kono’s wedding, though.”

“That we did.” Danny picks up his hand that’s holding Steve’s, and plays with his fingers. Steve watches him, his heart stuttering as Danny brings his hand up to his mouth for a kiss, and then lets out a long sigh.

“You know,” Steve starts out slowly, “I really did intend to have a lazy day today, too. I cut my workout short and everything.”

Danny rolls his eyes at Steve. “You did? What does that even mean? Only two hundred push-ups?”

Steve glances over at the window as another burst of lightning streaks through the clouds. “Thought I’d put on some Norah Jones and make something decadent with bacon. Maybe eat it in a pillow fort.” Steve raises an eyebrow at Danny. “Rainy days are good for pillow forts.”

“Using my words against me,” Danny groans. “I’m gonna kill you.”

“I was thinking about back rubs, too…”

Danny opens his mouth, then closes it again. “If back rubs are a euphemism for something else, I may regret rejecting them as a potential activity for today.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. Does that mean you’ll reconsider?”

Danny lets a smile dance across his face, then stifles it in mock exasperation. “But no peppermint tea. A guy’s gotta draw the line somewhere.”

Steve beams, and pounces on Danny, who flops back on the couch and grins at him as Steve covers his body with his own. Danny reaches for Steve’s head and pulls him down into a blistering kiss that is entirely out of synch with the whole lazy day aesthetic.

“Sex now, lazy day and pillow forts later?” Steve asks when Danny lets him come up for air.

“Sounds like a plan,” Danny replies, one hand sliding down to give Steve’s butt a squeeze, grinding them both together.

“That’s why I love you so much,” Steve says between kisses, “you have the best plans.”

Danny laughs against Steve’s skin, sending shivers down his spine, and there’s the Danny he knows again, sunshine bright and heart open. “Love you too, babe, love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to finish this - in my head, it was already done, and then a conversation about WIPs on the H50 writer's discord made me remember that I had always intended to come back and do an epilogue. I hope this does justice to the story, and that you enjoyed it as much as I did. :hugs:


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